The Destination of This Train is Lechmere

Blogsurrection

destinationlechmere — Sat, 29 May 2010 23:24:22 +0000

Oh Blog, I missed you so. In the doldrums of late winter, there are so few amusingly shitty things happening on Mission Hill (other than simply being Mission Hill in the winter time), that I neglected to care enough to blog about any of it.

But as I heard a loud altercation outside my window last night, the balmy May breeze re-awokened my primal instinct to blog. “I’m a real-ass woman!” an unnamed maiden cried at her brave knight. “Bitch, you tore up!” he exclaimed in return.

I felt my eyes moisten and my heart flutter with joy.

There is nothing like summer on the Hill.

ODB vs. Dara’s

destinationlechmere — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:10:56 +0000

Hi there kids. In honor of my roommate’s 21st birthday, and as a tribute to my tumultuous semester as the Mission Park Wino, I have decided to review everyone’s favorite twin liquor stores: ODB Liquors and Dara’s Wine and Spirits.

Have you ever found yourself craving booze, and not sure which store to buy from? They are literally next door to each other. So which one is better? I decide once and for all.

NAME
Winner: ODB

I don’t know or care who Dara was, but everyone loves Ol’ Dirty Bastard. I once asked the lady behind the counter if the store was named after him, but she claimed to have no idea what I was talking about. CLAIMED.

EMPLOYEE FRIENDLINESS
Winner: Dara’s

I kind of really like everyone who works there. Case in point: on my 21st birthday, I bought a bottle of Andre from each store, but only the Dara’s cashier wished me a happy birthday. That shit is forever.

LIQUOR SELECTION: TIE

BEER SELECTION
Winner: ODB

The walls are lined with fridges upon fridges of beers upon beers. There are just so many. So many.

WINE SELECTION
Winner: Dara’s

For when you’re feeling classy. I don’t really know what this is like, because when I want wine, I go to Trader Joe’s and get Two Buck Chuck. But I’m sure the mythical Young Professionals of Mission Hill That Don’t Really Go Out must really like to shop here.

PRICES: TIE
I think they have a secret agreement.

HOBO PRESENCE
Winner: Dara’s

When I want to buy alcohol, it matters to me that I purchase it somewhere that truly reflects the neighborhood culture. Mission Hill will never be fully gentrified, and Dara’s is down with that. I don’t always see my hobo friends there, but Dara’s always has more empty nips scattered around the door, so it is obviously the place to be.

Overall Winner: DARA’S. Dark, cramped, and packed with booze. What the hell more do you need?

Happy weekend kids!

Who the Hill was St. Alphonsus?

destinationlechmere — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:23:49 +0000

So if you’ve done your fair share of drunken Mission Hill wandering, you’ve probably walked on or across St. Alphonsus street. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, the street’s totally weird name probably sparked at least a tiny bit of curiosity in your hazy, disoriented brain. “Sweet name, I wonder why they named the street where all these kids barf after him? He must have been a cool guy who liked to party.”

Wrong. According to my minimal research, he was actually kinda lame.

“In 1732, God called Saint Alphonsus to found the Congregation of the Most Holy Redeemer, with the object of laboring for the salvation of the most abandoned souls. Amid untold difficulties and innumerable trials, St. Alphonsus succeeded in establishing his Congregation, which became his glory and crown, but also his cross. The holy founder labored incessantly at the work of the missions until, about 1756, he was appointed Bishop of St. Agatha, a diocese he governed until 1775, when broken by age and infirmity, he resigned this office to retire to his convent where he died.”

That’s it. Nothing epic like martyrdom or miracles. He just founded a convent and chilled.

Now that I think about it, it kind of fits though. Think about 90% of Mission Hill parties. It sounds really exciting, you think there are going to be miracles and possibly martyrdom, but then you get there and it kinda sucks.

Maybe Alphonsus watches over all of our sorry asses and makes sure Hill parties never get too awesome. So the next time your Most Abandoned Soul staggers down his holy street, thank Alphy for not letting your night get too out of control.

The Best and Worst of Drunkoween ’09

destinationlechmere — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:37:28 +0000

Most Bangworthy Costumes:

3. Internet memes (Dick in a Box, RickRoll, Dr. Horrible, Chocolate Rain)
2. Any costume that came from a bag
1. Team Zissou

Least Bangworthy Costumes:

3. Michael Jackon, pre-death
2. Michael Jackson, post-death
1. Swine Flu

NU’s finest #3

destinationlechmere — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:28:48 +0000

2:45 pm

Girl 1: “Ugh, I haven’t eaten all day! What did you have for breakfast?”
Girl 2: “Pot brownie.”

No words.

destinationlechmere — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 20:44:40 +0000

NU’s Finest #2: It terrifies me that you’re going into the healthcare field.

destinationlechmere — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:41:01 +0000

In class, immediately before a quiz.

Girl: “Do you think the reading is going to be on this test? I started reading the book and then I stopped ’cause I didn’t like it.”

Hoooo boy.

King of The Hill

destinationlechmere — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 00:59:31 +0000

Mike Barrett. If you haven’t seen him live at the Squealing Pig, you’re missing the whole point of living around Mission Hill. Fantastic tunes that get better as you sip down Guinness, totally hilarious and unacceptable jokes, and one of the best nights out in Boston. In my opinion.

Thursday night. He saunters into the Pig, laden with gear for his set. The bartenders know exactly what to give him. He gets kisses from college girls who could be his daughters, but it’s actually not creepy at all. Basically, he lives the dream.

Then he plays wonderfully offensive songs about cheap Northeastern students, hellish cab rides, and everything sexual in between.

There’s really no words to describe the awesomeness of his live performances. If you’re easily offended, don’t bother. But if you’re down for anything and enjoy a good night at an underrated neighborhood bar, hurry to see his shows. He plays every Thursday, and the first Saturday of the month.

Mike in action: http://tinyurl.com/y8gecqj

—-

One of the most interesting things about Mike’s shows is their ability to make or break relationships. I’ve experienced it, I’ve watched it happen, and these are my theories:

- If you’re a girl trying to get rid of a guy, take him to the Pig and get really offended when he laughs.
- If you’re a guy trying to dump a girl, take her to the Pig and laugh when she gets offended.
- If you want to impress an adventurous date, male or female, go to the Pig and laugh a little. Not tons, and definitely not at anything too offensive. Go home and have sex to congratulate yourselves on having a “totally out of the ordinary cultural experience.”

Repeat as necessary.

Walk of Shame Hall of Fame

destinationlechmere — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 22:29:51 +0000

One of the nice things about living on Mission Hill is the abundance of lame parties. One of the even nicer things is how easy it is to hook up at said parties. But the nicest thing of all: The Walk of Shame, especially when you’re not doing it.

If you’ve been up on a weekend morning before 11, chances are you’ve seen hungover girls trudging back to campus, as if drawn by a magnetic force. A fancy “party shirt,” smudged eye makeup, an air of humiliation, and maybe even a bowlegged limp if she REALLY had a good night.

Which leads me to the best place to witness it: The Brigham Circle Dunkin Donuts.

I found myself there one Saturday morning when there was no breakfasty food in the apartment, and I was jonesing for a bagel. Now, everyone knows bagels must be consumed while hot. So I sat by the window and stared blankly at the line of customers.

Wait, is that girl wearing a sweatshirt over a dress and heels? She most definitely is. The classic example.

Better yet, a male walk of shame. Well, for guys it’s not so much shame…more like pride. Crushed gel-met, half-popped collar, smug look. Yeeep.

Gold medal of the morning: TWIN walk of shame. One girl in a shiny dress thing, badge of the desperate. The other in a weird hipstery sweater dress. Both were doing the characteristic limp. Same party? Or same guy?

You stay classy, Northeastern.

Why Punter’s might someday be an acceptable bar

destinationlechmere — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 18:11:04 +0000

Their jukebox has “Birthday Sex.”

That’s really all I can think of.