ODB vs. Dara’s

Hi there kids. In honor of my roommate’s 21st birthday, and as a tribute to my tumultuous semester as the Mission Park Wino, I have decided to review everyone’s favorite twin liquor stores: ODB Liquors and Dara’s Wine and Spirits.

Have you ever found yourself craving booze, and not sure which store to buy from? They are literally next door to each other. So which one is better? I decide once and for all.

NAME
Winner: ODB

I don’t know or care who Dara was, but everyone loves Ol’ Dirty Bastard. I once asked the lady behind the counter if the store was named after him, but she claimed to have no idea what I was talking about. CLAIMED.

EMPLOYEE FRIENDLINESS
Winner: Dara’s

I kind of really like everyone who works there. Case in point: on my 21st birthday, I bought a bottle of Andre from each store, but only the Dara’s cashier wished me a happy birthday. That shit is forever.

LIQUOR SELECTION: TIE

BEER SELECTION
Winner: ODB

The walls are lined with fridges upon fridges of beers upon beers. There are just so many. So many.

WINE SELECTION
Winner: Dara’s

For when you’re feeling classy. I don’t really know what this is like, because when I want wine, I go to Trader Joe’s and get Two Buck Chuck. But I’m sure the mythical Young Professionals of Mission Hill That Don’t Really Go Out must really like to shop here.

PRICES: TIE
I think they have a secret agreement.

HOBO PRESENCE
Winner: Dara’s

When I want to buy alcohol, it matters to me that I purchase it somewhere that truly reflects the neighborhood culture. Mission Hill will never be fully gentrified, and Dara’s is down with that. I don’t always see my hobo friends there, but Dara’s always has more empty nips scattered around the door, so it is obviously the place to be.

Overall Winner: DARA’S. Dark, cramped, and packed with booze. What the hell more do you need?

Happy weekend kids!

Who the Hill was St. Alphonsus?

So if you’ve done your fair share of drunken Mission Hill wandering, you’ve probably walked on or across St. Alphonsus street. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, the street’s totally weird name probably sparked at least a tiny bit of curiosity in your hazy, disoriented brain. “Sweet name, I wonder why they named the street where all these kids barf after him? He must have been a cool guy who liked to party.”

Wrong. According to my minimal research, he was actually kinda lame.

“In 1732, God called Saint Alphonsus to found the Congregation of the Most Holy Redeemer, with the object of laboring for the salvation of the most abandoned souls. Amid untold difficulties and innumerable trials, St. Alphonsus succeeded in establishing his Congregation, which became his glory and crown, but also his cross. The holy founder labored incessantly at the work of the missions until, about 1756, he was appointed Bishop of St. Agatha, a diocese he governed until 1775, when broken by age and infirmity, he resigned this office to retire to his convent where he died.”

That’s it. Nothing epic like martyrdom or miracles. He just founded a convent and chilled.

Now that I think about it, it kind of fits though. Think about 90% of Mission Hill parties. It sounds really exciting, you think there are going to be miracles and possibly martyrdom, but then you get there and it kinda sucks.

Maybe Alphonsus watches over all of our sorry asses and makes sure Hill parties never get too awesome. So the next time your Most Abandoned Soul staggers down his holy street, thank Alphy for not letting your night get too out of control.

The Best and Worst of Drunkoween ‘09

Most Bangworthy Costumes:

3. Internet memes (Dick in a Box, RickRoll, Dr. Horrible, Chocolate Rain)
2. Any costume that came from a bag
1. Team Zissou

Least Bangworthy Costumes:

3. Michael Jackon, pre-death
2. Michael Jackson, post-death
1. Swine Flu

NU’s finest #3

2:45 pm

Girl 1: “Ugh, I haven’t eaten all day! What did you have for breakfast?”
Girl 2: “Pot brownie.”

No words.

NU’s Finest #2: It terrifies me that you’re going into the healthcare field.

In class, immediately before a quiz.

Girl: “Do you think the reading is going to be on this test? I started reading the book and then I stopped ’cause I didn’t like it.”

Hoooo boy.

King of The Hill

Mike Barrett. If you haven’t seen him live at the Squealing Pig, you’re missing the whole point of living around Mission Hill. Fantastic tunes that get better as you sip down Guinness, totally hilarious and unacceptable jokes, and one of the best nights out in Boston. In my opinion.

Thursday night. He saunters into the Pig, laden with gear for his set. The bartenders know exactly what to give him. He gets kisses from college girls who could be his daughters, but it’s actually not creepy at all. Basically, he lives the dream.

Then he plays wonderfully offensive songs about cheap Northeastern students, hellish cab rides, and everything sexual in between.

There’s really no words to describe the awesomeness of his live performances. If you’re easily offended, don’t bother. But if you’re down for anything and enjoy a good night at an underrated neighborhood bar, hurry to see his shows. He plays every Thursday, and the first Saturday of the month.

Mike in action: http://tinyurl.com/y8gecqj

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One of the most interesting things about Mike’s shows is their ability to make or break relationships. I’ve experienced it, I’ve watched it happen, and these are my theories:

- If you’re a girl trying to get rid of a guy, take him to the Pig and get really offended when he laughs.
- If you’re a guy trying to dump a girl, take her to the Pig and laugh when she gets offended.
- If you want to impress an adventurous date, male or female, go to the Pig and laugh a little. Not tons, and definitely not at anything too offensive. Go home and have sex to congratulate yourselves on having a “totally out of the ordinary cultural experience.”

Repeat as necessary.

Walk of Shame Hall of Fame

One of the nice things about living on Mission Hill is the abundance of lame parties. One of the even nicer things is how easy it is to hook up at said parties. But the nicest thing of all: The Walk of Shame, especially when you’re not doing it.

If you’ve been up on a weekend morning before 11, chances are you’ve seen hungover girls trudging back to campus, as if drawn by a magnetic force. A fancy “party shirt,” smudged eye makeup, an air of humiliation, and maybe even a bowlegged limp if she REALLY had a good night.

Which leads me to the best place to witness it: The Brigham Circle Dunkin Donuts.

I found myself there one Saturday morning when there was no breakfasty food in the apartment, and I was jonesing for a bagel. Now, everyone knows bagels must be consumed while hot. So I sat by the window and stared blankly at the line of customers.

Wait, is that girl wearing a sweatshirt over a dress and heels? She most definitely is. The classic example.

Better yet, a male walk of shame. Well, for guys it’s not so much shame…more like pride. Crushed gel-met, half-popped collar, smug look. Yeeep.

Gold medal of the morning: TWIN walk of shame. One girl in a shiny dress thing, badge of the desperate. The other in a weird hipstery sweater dress. Both were doing the characteristic limp. Same party? Or same guy?

You stay classy, Northeastern.

Why Punter’s might someday be an acceptable bar

Their jukebox has “Birthday Sex.”

That’s really all I can think of.

NU’S Finest #1: Music is such a big thing in our world.

“NU’s Finest” was the reason for starting this project in the first place.  Northeastern is a great school, don’t get me wrong.  But they could afford to be more selective in admissions, and I hope this regular feature will shed some light on the fine folks who attend this institution.  Some of them are just…well, you be the judge.

Let’s begin with my favorite people ever: Music Industry majors.  You know the type: weird clothes, better than you, probably rejected from Berklee.  It used to be my major, and I still have friends in the program.  Love to them, by the way.  But most of these vagrant creatures have one purpose and one purpose only: making me giggle.

I recently spent an hour and forty minutes in a music class.  Much of it was spent in awe of a disillusioned young man who felt that Lady Gaga’s tampon impression at the VMA’s was ” a powerful social message about the culture of celebrity.”

Really?  I thought she was just weird.

Apparently, by being an overexposed, highly lucrative pop music act, Miss Gaga is on a mission to save us all.  She’s going to deliver us from the danger of…well, other overexposed, highly lucrative pop music acts.  I won’t elaborate further, since I really had no idea what he was talking about beyond that point.  Sure, it sucks to have your picture taken all the time, but you signed up for it when you inked that record deal.  But are the paparazzi a legit social problem?  Ask the little girls in the projects.  I guess we can’t all be the Dead Kennedys.

I think the kid with the “Kill Your Television” t-shirt put it best:  “Music…is such a big thing….in our world.”